Once again I am standing before you, asking for your vote.
Sleepy Time Mumbles
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Good evening and welcome to Dan Bain's sleepy time mumbles a podcast you can miss I am Dan Bain. And every episode I improvise a low stakes podcast for you to fall asleep to
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citizens of planet Earth I am once again standing for you asking for you to vote for me that's right me some of you may want to to yourself Why should some random podcast guy be voted the ruler of Earth can you write to us that like encourage you to ask because an educated citizenship is one of my key policies if you're questioning me, Europe obviously not smart. And if you're not smart I'm not doing my job. It's a robbers the snake that devours its tail that's my first policy. And the first reason why I think you should vote for me Why should you do that? Is you ask yourself with your intelligence Why? I bet he doesn't even have a platform. Well a member of my global electorate the me tell you right now I have very wide platform that I stand both a poem and for a mix to add if it rains I'll even stand underneath it all wait for train on I'll play a side scrolling feature on it that's how elaborate mind platform
Let's start with the basics the things that you'll be into and then we'll move on to some of the nitty gritty the complexities of politics the place where ever wants to be these days complicated politics Ooh, yeah. But not yet first let me tell you the basics of my plan and when you hear I know that you're going to be key to cast your basic policy number one housing the housing market should be fixed and I'm the guy to fix it gotta fix it with a multi prong approach first of all houses $200 cheaper immediately blanket policy some of you may say $200 cheaper isn't very cheap considering some housing markets wildly over inflated and to you I say this is for the whole world some houses don't even cost $200 so that's free houses. So just move to another country and you can free house if it's let's do $100 that's part of my multi prong approach. What's the other problem my approach more houses except with is too many there are too many houses who's gonna pick those houses up? Whether on re allocation and distribution of housing stock to high density areas as the name of that policy I don't know about you but to me their policies sounds achievable. How else am I gonna fix this global housing crisis. I'm gonna bed the use of nice smells in open arms. That's right. For too long. Real Estate Asians have been tricking people in to buy a house that they think has a nice smell on it. But it Never been. And that was a temporary nice smell. So we're going to tighten up some regulations here and close those loopholes and close that bread smell loophole because it's disingenuous. Now only houses next to bakeries was known as bread. And that is a fairer world. That's what I promise to you that I will create if you give me your vote to that's my housing policy, three to three step plan. And it's not just words, it's a, it's a plan, and I'll put it into action. Not just talk. I see the problem. And I've got a plan to eliminate that problem.
second phase of my basic policies, before we get into the more complex ones. The world is suffering from a global pandemic. How will I, Dan Bain. deal with that problem? If you elect me as a global leader? That's good question. It's a simple question. But it doesn't have simple answer, because it's a complex issue. And let me tell you right now that I'm the kind of politician that sees complex issues and sees the shades of gray. I don't just try to reduce things into black or white to good versus evil. Right versus left. Cats versus dogs. I understand. The normal debate effective world leader, aka leader of the world, that I need to be able to see things in shades of grey. I need to be able to understand nuance, and that's something that I'm going to be bringing to this issue of Coronavirus and also to all issues especially ones that I have answers for.
But I don't want to seem evasive. So now. Let me tell you my life. Four step plan to eliminating COVID-19 novel Coronavirus number 30. Step one. Mandatory hand removal. Hands are big problem. So we're gonna we're just going to take a hands off. We're going to take out we'll take a hands off the underarms. So we can't touch anything. But we're not going to take our foot off the accelerator. In the search for a vaccine. No. We're gonna put our foot on the accelerator. But we're gonna take a hand hands off faces and off screens of surfaces. That's what we're doing cans go. We're gonna put them in a temporary storage bin. every neighborhood Whoo. Have a little bin at the end of the street here Put your hands and fill it up with hand sanitizer so your hands will just be soaking up hand sanitizer for one week. And then you get the back by then they'll absorb so much hand sanitizer that touching things will sanitize. So that's how to work it touch your face and you sanitize your face. You touch your phone it sanitizes the phone that's phase one of my when I say four step four step Coronavirus plan
phase two we believe in science. That's going to be the next phase. We're just gonna do some real quick education education is my key Cornerstone policy and applies to most of my issues, but particularly this one cuz if you understand science and how it works this whole thing and logic lot easier to talk about I guess.
Yeah, third one third point, we must have a consensus on reality that that would exist in the same world. For real, that is a that is a non negotiable for me and my party. We must negotiate with by
finally, for my four step Coronavirus elimination strategy. No more airplanes, airplanes. We're gonna take a break from them. We're just gonna put them put them on the beach. The benching airplanes. Okay, I know that that's gonna upset some people. Especially if you are an airplane. Or if you're the kind of person that loves to go on an airplane. I'm sorry to have to tell you this. But we've just got to take a break from airplanes for a little bit. Though we'll be there. We'll be back from airplanes for a little bit. Though we'll be they'll be back up. Okay. So I think that pretty much solves that problem. You welcome. Both vote for me. That's how I'll do it. I've laid out the steps 1234 Hotel. So I'll deal with that. And I also talked about housing crisis dealt with it to what to do next thing you want to know about what's my next policy?
What is my policy you probably wondering, are child hunger. My policy is children should not be hungry. I mean, they can be a little bit hungry. doesn't hurt to experience being hungry a little bit. But should be hungry for a long time. And you should certainly shouldn't be hungry in such a way that causes damage to your body. So, child hunger, I am opposed. Bear in mind that my opponent is perot child hunger. Now I know I said I was going to run a clean campaign. But I am saddened and disappointed. And to be frankly, a little upset that my opponent continually goes to the media advocating for child hunger. Everyone knows that as a theory has been disproven, it just doesn't work. That's all I'm gonna say on that. But remember, vote for me is a vote for not starving your children.
Many people when I'm on the campaign trail, when I'm in the malls and schools, and airports, and auto mechanics and food courts and number six bus when people often come up to me and I love those times because they let you connect with the real issues of real people. And they come up to me and they say, Dad, what are you going to do? about all the dead fish? Say ocean acidification, overfishing and plastics in their ocean is a big issue that's high on my agenda. And they say no, the dead fish in the oceans to one the ones my neighbor keeps throwing over the feeds. And let me tell you, I'm the type of politician I can see the big end a little picture. I can see how acidification classification. And overfishing is a deep fish issue. But I can also see that the dead fish issue is when your neighbor throws a dead fish over you.
I'm willing to get my hands dirty. Whether that's metaphorically by having a tough conversation or whether it's literally by picking up a dead fish. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. People ask me what is my policy of their buyers? I say later I wanted as long as it's the right one. People ask me what's your policy on 5g. I say let's do all the genius. Let's skip the steps just go straight to 100 G's.
People asked me to be more detailed on their nitty gritty policies. But by the end find that just the broad strokes policies have already used up my time. Is there a problem with today's politics that we never have time to get into the nuance the shades of gray and into the detail because the only time it is allocated to this brief isn't enough for all of you to sound bites for headline. It's so many detailed, nuanced policy. The takeaway Of course, will be Dan Bay. will pick up a dead fish. Thank you for your time. Please, the selection for world leader vote for Dan Bain.
That was Episode 18 electioneering. We'll see you next time. Oh sleepy time mumbles until then, good night. Sleep tight.